I don't know if you have ever really known anyone with depression, and cared enough to do something about it. I recently found out my boyfriend is despressed, and has anxiety, which I've learned the two come hand in hand quite often. I never really thought he was depressed, just moody here and there. If the doc diagnosed him with depression, then damn most people I know are depressed! It's brought up a lot of questions for both of us. Obviously, for him it's pretty hard to take. The doc thinks he has low levels of seratonine, which then makes him wonder if all of his feelings, for his whole life, have been skewed one way or another. I think it makes him feel...like he doesn't know who he is.

        I personally had no idea what to think or do. All I had known about depression is that a lot of people have it, I suspect my grandma has it. I've gone through bouts of it twice in my life. Now that we've discovered this a couple of months ago, I'm learning how to cope with it. The doc put him on meds, which I'm not sure if they are good or not, but I've noticed that his mood swings are mellower and more seldom. But, they still come. And he's afraid to let me in incase he scares me away, but damn, I want to know all of him, not just the good happy parts. But I can understand what he means when he doesn't want to tell me what he's thinking, incase I don't like the thoguhts... it's like those lyrics by Blue October (I forget the song name) " I only want you to see, my favorite part of me, and not my ugly side..."

        Sometimes it is fustrating. He is not used to communicating, and I can't say I am great at it myself. BUT I swear that the reason my parents got divorced is because they grew individually, didn't make their relationship a priority, and didn't COMMUNICATE! So I will make damn sure that every relationship I have will have ample communication. Back to the bf, his whole not being used to communicating, and being scared to tell me what he feels, and having depression has made it difficult at times. This is one of those times. I just wish he could spit it out, and tell me what he's thinking, even if it makes no sense at all...I just want to help him! If he doesn't want to talk to me he can see a therapist! I think it would be wonderful for him, and help him figure out how to process his thoughts and feelings and what actions, if any, to take on those thoughts and feelings...

        Sometimes, I wonder if in this post WWII American society, we are too obsessed with being happy. I mean, yes there are tons of great happy things in life, but I think its a litte too much to ask of everyone to always be in a good mood, have a good attitude, and be happy! There are a lot of mundane, tedious things we have to do in life, and so much more so as we get older and have more responsibilities, its no wonder so many Americans are on anti-depressants. I'm not a pessimist at heart, but I do think it's a lot to ask of people to constantly be happy. I guess I am going to do my best to keep my bf healthy, and figure out ways to help him other than poppin a pill. And ATTRACT HAPPINESS to my life!

Sorry for the venting! Thanks for understanding..

OMG i graduate in 13 days and I am not ready for that. This sucks. On a happier note, Cathy and I are having a graduation party/ my bday party on Thursday, so check it out on facebook :)

Have a happy December and holiday season!!!!

 

He said he had a present for me, with a mischievous grin on his face.The next day, right before I left, he slipped it into my purse and said to wait to look at it, so I did. As I left, I took a look in my purse, and I felt my heart sink, my temperature rise. I don't think he meant to be mean, but the feelings it evoked were typical. He had given me back something that I had given to him a not so long time ago, something sentimental. It brought back a flashback of memories, a huge wave of emotion. It caught me off gaurd. I didn't want to admit that I was reacting the way I was. But I was pissed. I wanted to throw it back, I wanted to cry, but I didn't do either. It wasn't worth it. He was never worth it. The only way that I can continue to communicate with him is to have no expectations of any sort. At least he's consistent: always disappointing.